“Hi. I’m Leo. Note my excellent impression of my doll.”

“IDK. It’s a jumpsuit. Roll with it.”

“Just calling to say I’m awesome. And that I have unexplained pink paint on my sleeve.”

“No, really. I am. And I’m wearing impossible-to-read buttons.”

“In about one year, my fame will crush you and make you a distant showbiz memory, Kirk. But for now, I’ll play along with your apron games. “

“Oh, hey. Just chillin’, at the Rock N’ Jock B-Ball Jams.”

“Four ball, corner pocket. No problem…as per uzh.”

“Marky-M is the coolest! Look at his headband! And his face!”

“But not as cool as this knit hat or that Deanna Troi action figure behind me.”

“Or Johnny D. and his pocket pen.”

“In fact, I take back what I said just a second ago. I’m no longer mpressed, Mark.”

“You know who’s hipper than Marky Mark? Hopper.”

“When bae shares your taste in sweaters.”

“Totally Stoned. (See what I did there?!)”

“Really not over your inability to make room for me on that raft, Kate.”

“This isn’t awkward. At all.”

“Yeeee-um.”

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

“I hate you.”

“‘Sup?”

“Pro-tip: If ever you’re anywhere near a Hilton sister [back left], bring ultra-noise-cancelling headphones.”

“La-dee-dah. Low-dee-doe. L-E-O is cool-i-o.”

“Just thank her. She made me.”

“Eff you, RDJ. I totally would have killed as Iron Man.”

“Just gonna wear my man-bun in the middle of the ocean while that fish over there shoots my photo.”

“Because I’m Leo Di-Effing-Caprio!”